I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize