She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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