I could have mohawked her pubes.
My balls are so social today.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
