When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
