So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
