I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize