Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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