Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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