We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
