my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
