That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize