Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
