ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
