She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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