I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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