i just google imaged poop.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
