So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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