I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
