If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
