it was like a zeppelin in a condom
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
