so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
