you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I love you.
Bad choice
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
