You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
