The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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