I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I supernannyed him into submission
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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