I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
