Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
