I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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