Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
