I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
