i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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