So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
