butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
