Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
