I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize