so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
