you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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