good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
In other news, I just burned my penis
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize