3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
