I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
