The maid of honor just puked.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
