I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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