I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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