apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
