My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just want to make out with him forever
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize