i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
