I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
should my penis look like a turkey
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
