i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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