summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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