you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
