Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
