he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
