lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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