Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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