i may or may not be watching the land before time
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
