um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
