Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire

Fav 6 1190 2004
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(650): View more from California

I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.

Fav 18 6210 899
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(410): View more from Maryland

I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent

Fav 9 1286 4127
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(313): View more from Michigan

well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails

Fav 9 1331 3674
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(703): View more from Virginia

yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?

Fav 7 1900 762
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(765): View more from Indiana

So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.

(1-765): View more from Indiana

And an everlasting friendship

Fav 8 2114 853
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(602): View more from Arizona

Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.

Fav 3 1488 765
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(740): View more from Ohio

At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."

(414): View more from Wisconsin

That's literally the perfect eulogy

Fav 2 1220 544
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(513): View more from Ohio

Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science

Fav 0 134 19
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