now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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