I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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