Pants 0. Shit 1.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
