So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
