We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
