If i could tip my vagina, i would.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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