He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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