even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
