i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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