he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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