my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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