Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
