hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
