Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
