He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
