Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
