i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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