Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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