so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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