if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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