He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize