Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
