So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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