Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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