unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
