I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
