He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
