We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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