On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
