Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
