Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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