Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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