if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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