I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
