I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
