I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
