It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
