I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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