Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
