Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
