This is not my ceiling
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
